You Can't Command Relationship

 

In his book 'The 21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership' author, and my mentor, John C. Maxwell describes the key ingredients for great leadership.  One of them, The Law Of Influence speaks to the fact that leadership is influence.

Therein lies the problem for some folks.  Especially if you are 'D' Wired 

Some of us are under the assumption that we can in fact 'command' a relationship.  We believe that our strong way of communicating is a key ingredient to a great relationship.  We delude ourselves into thinking that the world just can't wait to hear us bark out our next command, but that is not the stuff of great relationships or connections.

I overheard on a teleconference recently one participant remarked that they had relationships all figured out, they simply need to develop them from afar via social media because they seem to last, that it was their in person relationships that didn't.  Ut oh!  

Here are a few things I'm striving for as a grow as a leader and as a person.

1.  Cultivate.  -  Whether its a business relationship, family, or future spouse, cultivating the soil, enriching their lives in small ways helps to build trust and frankly helps us to connect because we see that they care and know us and what we need.

2. Have Zero Expectation. - As soon as we enter into a relationship with an end result in mind and anything short of that is worthless we lose.  Sometimes our expectation taints our cultivation.  If we get the feeling things aren't moving in the right direction our attitude may reflect our disappointment and we don't cultivate.

3.  Golden Rule.  -  I hated hearing this rule as a kid but now I totally see its value (thanks Mom), treat others how you would like to be treated (and I have added) ...whether they treat you that way or not.

4. Dialogue Not Monologue.  -  To be relational requires 2 or more of us interacting so remember to let their be dialogue from everyone.  Frankly there is so much I learn when I listen closely to what someone is saying. 

5.  Practice.  -  Like any new skill practice is key.  Oh and don't ever expect to nail it 100% because we are human beings.  We are emotional, unpredictable and in the end we are the one thing each other needs.

What tips do you have on how to build great relationships?

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Wendy Staas]

This is absolutely correct, Deb!! I have found that if you show you care to people, it is amazing how much they open up. . if not right away, they do over time.

Commanding a relationship never works. Not even in social media -- I guess I should say, especially in social media -- because it is very easy to 'hide' or 'defriend' without much notice to the one you hid. Ignoring a post is easy too. . .so, the person who thought that social media is the way to create a relationship, I say that is not exactly true. . .however, it is a great way to sustain and keep in touch. . . to not lose a relationship. (as long as boundaries are kept, meaning, nothing said in public that should be said in private)

Thanks for sharing!!